I saw God Bless John Wayne on a bumper sticker yesterday and I’m still confused about what it means. Well, of course, I know what it means literally, but WTF does it mean figuratively? Should people waste their god bless you’s on the deceased? What if this thing got out of hand and people wanted to bless their favorite celebrity dirt-napper. We’d have to come bumper to bumper with stickers like: God Bless Andy Kaufman; God Bless Elvis Presley; or God Bless Danny Bonaduce. I’m not sure how this thing works, but some people’s god might get a little ticked off if you go around blessing people willy-nilly; especially those that don’t need it or oxygen. He or she might just go old testament on your ass or just happen to forget to follow through on that next ever-so-important bless you request.
A completely different problem could be the delivery of the prayers. John Wayne was a stage name, so maybe the bumper sticker should read God Bless Marion Morrison, his birth name, to avoid any confusion. Some undeserving nobody with the birth name, John Wayne, might inadvertently receive these blessings and get himself a free hand stamp that gets him through the pearly gates or into Dollywood, depending on your beliefs.
Because John Wayne died almost thirty years ago, I don’t think he needs to be blessed. Besides that, the man had so many fans and I’m sure a ton of them prayed for him back then. All three of his wives were hispanic, so you know many, many oraciones (prayers) were sent his way. Then again, two of them were ex-wives and one of those predeceased him, so that nombre may not be as grande as I thoughto.
God bless John Wayne! It rolls right off the tongue, almost. Since I can’t get this thing out of my mind, I’m going to dedicate my life, or maybe at least five minutes, to research this phenomenon.
My research is complete and the bumper sticker isn’t alone in this GBJW controversy. There’s an unbearable song that made my ears bleed in seventeen seconds. It’s sung by his “granddaughter,” Jennifer Wayne, which is probably also a stage name. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s not only okay, but probably deserved from her, but she should keep that nauseating sound to her family unless they’re going to share the royalty checks with the rest of us.
Maybe I’m thinking too hard about this, because John Wayne might’ve just sneezed and this whole fucking thing just got blown out of proportion. GB Bernie Schwartz because he wears ascotts and slept with Lily Munster. BTW, Bernie Schwartz is Tony Curtis’s birth name.
